"I eat soup for breakfast. Sue me."

"I need a one-night stand. It’s been 6 months."

"Skipping church to bed rot on Easter Sunday."

"I think everyone’s breath is awful."

Too many Negronis, heavy pours of Super Tuscans, and a 300-kilometer journey to paradise.

"I am going to start selling my breastmilk if gas prices get any higher."

"Which pillow would you prefer?"

"It scares me how much I love cigs."

"I think my boyfriend has embarrassing taste in music."

“I never salt my pasta water.”

"I’m trying to set up my boss to get sued."

"I don’t remember how I got to bed Friday or Saturday night."

“It was a good, warm feeling.”

"I could watch Bad Bunny thrust all day and my husband certainly knows it."

"I accidentally sent a dirty pic to my boyfriend’s family’s group chat."

"He gave me back a pair of earrings I left there… they weren’t mine."

"I hate myself for how much I used to like Blake Lively."

The first mailbag of the year.