Sunday Confessions: 3-22-26
My confession this week? Last night, I was really craving Taco Bell for the first time in probably 5 years. Just really wanted a Supreme Taco. We ended up doing White People Taco Night and while it was very good, it just didn’t have that Taco Bell stank on it, you know?
Anyway, here are all of this week’s confessions.
My level of codependency with my friends and social media is so bad I bought one of those Brick things.
I completed 11 mandatory training courses for work in a single day by just copying/pasting each quiz question into Google’s AI search tool to pass. I couldn’t even tell you what the course topics were but they’re done.
Had sex for the first time in 349 days.
Accidentally saw my sister on a lesbian dating app… we’re both married to men.
Sometimes a girl just wants a stranger to push her against a wall, kiss her passionately and have wild sex. Yes, I am that girl.
All the guys I used to be interested in from high school are all circling back around in my DMs and I’m not mad about it.
Haven’t been to a church service in ages. I’m only going this morning for a lunch afterwards with an open bar.
I am dating someone I fired nine years ago.
Bruised from filler. Told my boyfriend it was from hitting myself in the face with my car door.
I joined a private social club in New York that has a magnificent bar and restaurant but mainly joined because they have private bathrooms and needed a safe, quiet place to poop if I’m in city and start to have stomach issues.
I never wash my swimsuits. Ever.
I overheard a mom refer to her 3 young boys as “you people.” In her defense, it’s the last day of spring break.
I stole a pair of rain boots from the lost and found at my gym. The admin sent out a “check the lost + found cuz we’re gonna donate everything” and I pilfered the most comfortable pair of boots I’ve ever owned.
I don’t think my house keeper is as thorough as she used to be, but I’m too chicken to talk to her about it.
Punch now has a girlfriend and I’m still single. Am I jealous of a monkey?
I paid for an ad on Instagram to get more followers.
I hate that everyone on Instagram makes you comment to get a link to boost their engagement stats. So I always go back and delete my comment after I get the message, just to stick it to the algorithm.
Got drunk with my mom and she asked if my husband is gay, which was a crushing reminder that three other people have asked me that very same question over the course of our 15 year marriage. We are currently separated, so that would really help me make a final decision. I can’t help but think that they might be right.
When I used to wait tables, I would throw forks away when I got mad at my boss. He would always complain about having to order new forks and I secretly knew I contributed to that.
I am going to start selling my breastmilk if gas prices get any higher.
Visited my husband’s parents and used their shower head to pleasure myself.
I would rather be in the hospital than go to work tomorrow.
I think my friend group is hanging out without me, and I’m not sure what to do about it.
No one believes me when I say I’m packing up and moving to Italy in 2 years. I’m in the process of claiming my dual citizenship, I’m practicing the language every day, and I’m working hard to be able to support myself creatively and not with my 9-5. It’s going to happen and every time some laughs or rolls their eyes it only fuels my ambition more. I don’t care what (or who) I have to leave behind.
My best friend and I blew up the Barnes and Noble bathroom while laughing maniacally together.
I’m going to a sex club with my boyfriend on Saturday and I’m nervous as hell.
Crawled out of his bed 6 weeks ago today and all I want to do is crawl back in with him.
I keep possible Sunday Confessions on a note in my phone because it’s too much pressure to remember them when Sunday rolls around.
I got my wisdom teeth removed 3 years ago and I can’t throw them away because I’m scared someone will plant my DNA at a crime scene and I’m too soft for prison.
I accidentally replied-all to 47 people including the client with an email that said “lol is this guy serious with these comments, should I just ignore?” about the client’s comments. I then, in a move that can only be described as a psychological snap, sent a FOLLOW UP reply-all saying “sorry ignore that, wrong thread” WHICH THERE WAS NO OTHER THREAD. I invented a second email. In front of 47 people. The client replied “no worries!” with a smiley face and I have not emotionally recovered.
i’m one year sober tomorrow. best thing ive ever done and im so proud of myself.
I always put the dog poop in the trash at the transcendental meditation place next door. They’re the rudest neighbors ever, so I’m considering it karma.
I got a new job and I’m devastated to never see my work crush again (he literally never texts me back).
I use a sock as a Kleenex in the middle of the night if there’s not a box beside my bed.
I want to start a GLP-1 but don’t know how to hide it in my fridge from my husband so he doesn’t know.
I have become convinced that the dreams I have about past boyfriends, old jobs, etc are me living in different timelines/parallel universe and me dreaming of them is really me getting a glimpse of how that timeline is going.
Almost got hit by a car and realized it was my therapist driving. Can’t wait to talk about how little I reacted in next week’s session.
Hung out with coworkers this weekend. I ended the night drunk sexting dirty photos to one of them.
Editor’s Note: The following submission was submitted hours after the first Barnes and Noble submission.
You haven’t lived until you’ve laughed hysterically about simultaneous pooping with your best friend/daughter in a Barnes and Noble.
I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night, and I brought it with me on my work trip this week. After a full day of work, I left for the airport, having carried the stuffed animal in my purse all day. I’m 34.
As I lay here in bed, in perimenopause, listening to my husband snore I completely understand why the show Snapped exists.
I’m so scared of what I might say to my husband when I wake up from anesthesia.
