Sunday Confessions: 5-31-26
Welcome to Sunday Confessions. Each Sunday through Sunday Scaries Instagram stories, readers submit their totally-anonymous confessions. Because sometimes it just feels good to get off your chest.
My admission this week is that sometimes I only complete my Sunday to-do list because I started putting it in The Sunday Digest and feel additional pressure. Yesterday, I was successful.
Here are all of this week’s confessions.
I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to go through another summer of stunning weekdays in the office and crappy cold rainy weekends.
I wish I could walk around topless the same way men do.
I am so sick of listening to my neighbor have sex but I can’t say anything because my boyfriend and I loud and I know he hears us so. Detente, I guess.
Before I go on first dates with men I’ve met online, I come up with an excuse to call them day of so I can hear their voice. If I don’t like it, I wont go on the date.
Hooked up with a girl for the first time (I’m a girl).
I haven’t been to the dentist in 20+ years and I am so terrified to go at this point.
I saw a document at work I wasn’t supposed to that had the dissolution/restructure of my company. My position was gone. The restructure starts in 15 days.
When I pick my nose, I wipe it under my drivers seat.
When you’re around friends that know how to properly cook and you’re thinking yeah, “I just know how to microwave stuff.”
I used the hair-as-floss trick in a desperate moment last night and it felt so wrong.
Haven’t sent a nude in years. Did this week. Still got it.
My friend only washes her hair once a week, and I fully support the low maintenance lifestyle. Unfortunately, I stood too close and discovered tons of tiny white speckles of dry shampoo and it smelled like burnt carpet. I love her. I just think her hair has accumulated enough layers to be studied by geologists.
I like to sip Pepperoncini juice.
Bed rotted so hard yesterday that my phone died 3 times. All of the times I was at a full charge at one point.
My net worth is over $2M, but I’m so frugal that at our neighbors door block party I always leave a bin in my front yard for cans and bottles so that I can recycle them the next day to make $25.
Yesterday I gave myself a full Brazilian with nothing but tweezers and determination.
I’m still clinically depressed after finishing Off Campus. Where’s my John Logan when I need him.
Editor’s Note: I started watching Off Campus last week because of the amount of confessions I received about the show.
Spending the week at a luxury resort made me realize just how much I hate my soul-sucking corporate healthcare job.
Instagram is ruining my life, I feel like I spend so much time on there it blurs the lines of real life. It’s fucking terrifying and my anxiety is out of control.
I like buying electronics at Costco. Then going to the little locked room with my receipt for someone to be summoned and personally hand me my purchase.
32 and fully infatuated with a guy who’s 52.
I stole 2 pieces of pizza from the grocery store hot kitchen and didn’t pay for them.
I want to break the windshield on the next duck I see in a Jeep.
Got a job on a psychiatric ward but I think I have more potential as a patient.
Sometimes I leave my phone at work and just walk to the bar so my wife won’t know my location. Most peaceful hour I get each week.
I’m starting a business and not telling anyone outside of my husband. I can’t deal with any possible critique or lack of support.
I take 5-10 minute naps throughout the day, including at work. I can actually fall asleep in that time and wake up refreshed. People who claim they can’t nap irritate me because this is for sure a habit I have practiced and honed, I didn’t just wake up (pun intended) one day and discover I was good at it.
It’s gotten to a point that I only sleep through the night if I go to bed stoned.
I never wash my fruits or vegetables from the grocery store.
My coworkers and I regularly commit *truly significant* time theft at work. If they want us to be completely engaged in our work, they should consider paying their valuable employees a livable wage.
Had to miss my friend’s wedding because I’m stuck at home constipated for 5 days straight.
Last week I told my boss I was hooking up with someone in a different department and was slightly disappointed her reaction wasn’t totally gagged.
I like to brag about doing cold plunges.
I take books from little free libraries but never give books back in return.
I’m falling for my coworker who is one year younger than my Dad. We can’t explain it, but it feels right.
My partner didn’t realize ChatGPT and AI are the same thing. Bless.
I have reconnected with my ex, and last night ended up sleeping with another man. Feeling guilty AF.
My work crush quit, as did my will to look presentable in any future meeting.
The boy visiting from out of town (submitted last week) told me he booked his trip and then ghosted me and never showed. I’m giving up on dating now.
I’m moving out and getting rid of unused things just as a new guy moved into my building. I gave him an item for free and he just brought me homemade pasta as a thank you. Figures I’d meet a cute single guy who can cook right as I’m leaving the city.
I hate foreplay.
Sometimes I just go to my friend’s Instagram and take the best looking photo of them for their contact on my phone. Someone will call me out for it one day and I will not have an excuse.
I talk shit about the people I know that are on GLP-1.
My latest work assignment is securing federal and state money for the richest man on the planet. A new low. I just want to be drunk or quit.
I feel really dumb being in my 30s and still being hurt by having a text ignored by coworkers I thought were friends.
Every time I go to the thrift store, I steal something.
I interviewed for a job while drunk and got it.
I honestly do think I’m better than all the townies I left behind.
I like to itch my inner ear and smell the wax.
i overshared while drunk at karaoke with my coworkers and now i’m scared to look them in the eye tomorrow.
decided to dust off the longboard today (i’m 37). i ended up falling off of it and landing all wrong on my foot and i cannot put any weight on it. going to a podiatrist first thing in the morning.
I’m fucking my mail man.
June 1st being a Monday gives similar vibes to when January 1st is on a Monday.
I’m losing the flexibility to keep biting my toenails and it makes me feel ancient.
I got told I was the best dressed at a party this weekend and I am 100% letting it go to my head.
I refused to watch Euphoria season 3 because I think Sam Levinson is a total uncreative creep. I did however read all the recaps and reddit forums every Sunday night in order to find out what happened.
I lied to my therapist about being sober. I’m California sober so I feel like it shouldn’t really count.
I was a bridesmaid last year and every time I talk to my friend I’m surprised her marriage is going well.
