Sunday Confessions: 3-29-26
Ever have one of those weekends when you just know you’re the least interesting person to be around? Just nothing clicking? Just a tough hang? Well, I fear I was that person this weekend. I tried to fix it by going to bed exactly at 9 p.m. last night so we’ll see how this pans out.
Anyway, here are this week’s confessions.
I started drinking a nice bottle of wine at 5 am on Palm Sunday.
Whenever my hot boss’s boss asks me to do something, I always respond “yes daddy” in my head… it’s so natural now I am afraid I’m going to slip and say it out loud.
Reading smut has given my back my will to live.
Accidentally started hooking up with my ex’s friend since childhood and I’m way more attracted to him than I ever was to my ex.
Sometimes I fantasize about being alone — no husband, just me and my kid.
My best friend and her husband want to have a threesome. I’m low key pissed they didn’t ask me.
My whole life I’ve used an obnoxious amount of toilet paper because I can’t stand the idea of getting pee or poo on my hand. I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve clogged up or overflowed a toilet in a public restroom or a friend’s house.
Paid an Etsy witch 3 months ago to make my ex bald and it looks like it’s working faster than I imagined.
About a month ago I had a dream (iykyk) about one of my guy friends. I haven’t been able to see him the same ever since.
I pick my nose in the car and wipe it under the driver’s seat.
I haven’t told anyone this but I think I’m going to marry him.
I got black out drunk last night and wet the bed.
I let my married friend go through my 50+ Hinge likes with me. We said yes to 1. She then told me maybe she was just lucky in meeting her husband.
Got a “we need to have a talk” text from someone I made out with 3 times.
I’ve lost 30 pounds since August (yes I’m on the shot) and no one has said anything to me but two other family members have lost weight and I hear all about how good they look. I know it’s stupid but it annoys me to no end.
No better feeling than going to a wedding and a lot of girls you were in a sorority tell you that you look great… pretty sure I can conquer anything this week.
Went on an out of town trip with my fiancé this weekend. Forgot my toothbrush. Used his all weekend and he has no idea.
I manifested a boyfriend who is OBSESSED with me. I really regret it.
I have no idea what a VPN is.
I hate when friends clear up the dishes at parties. They’re ruining the vibe. It feels like they’re rushing the night along so they can leave. Just sit, and chat and let us all deal with that later. I hate it so much. Stop trying to be so polite.
I’m glad that I’m clever and well informed, but these days I really wish I was dumb.
I think I’m too old for Manhattan now, and that really bums me out.
Torn between saving for inevitable global financial collapse and desperately needing a little treat to get through every day.
My hair stylist asked me to write a review for them online but I hate my haircut so much I cried about it.
Booked a northeast beach vacation because of Love Story.
I honestly don’t know if my sister is still married or not and I’m too afraid to ask. She hasn’t worn a ring in a while, and he hasn’t been in any of her social posts though she’s been with other couples.
Sometimes I just lick the fork to clean it off and put it back in the silverware drawer now that I am divorced.
Used half a bottle of expensive face oil as lube with my out of town hook up this weekend.
I substituted butter for oil in a boxed cake recipe thinking they would taste better but now the cupcakes look like shit.
I’m 37 and I’m about to get cracked by a 23 year old on Easter. Gives a different meaning to He Is Risen.
I don’t trust anybody who doesn’t keep their cellphone in a protective case.
My husband’s incessant movie quotes are pushing me to my absolute limit.
I still stalk my ex on Venmo even though I blocked him on every social media. We broke up 4 years ago.
Finally locked it down with my 9th grade crush 30 years later. She doesn’t know she was my only crush back then. I win.
I haven’t been touched in so long I almost went up to a a complete (hot) stranger and ask him to put his hand on my throat and give a little squeeze.
I think people who meal prep breakfast, lunch, and dinner live joyless lives.
I recognize that mahjong might be fun, but I refuse to learn due to the optics (derogatory).
I think everyone’s breath is awful. I don’t like smelling anyone’s airstream. It makes me gag.
I had to use a flashlight and my glasses to pluck a couple of stray pubic hairs. Goddammit, getting older is really for the fucking birds sometimes.
I am really high right now.
Last night, my best friend and I realized if we stopped hanging out, we wouldn’t create any new problems.
I fear I’m in love with an unconventionally attractive person.
I think my step brother in law is insanely hot and I get flustered every time I talk to him.
I went to a massage place this weekend. The massage person was great and above board. However, I secretly wanted the person to cross the line. I even tried to move my body in such a way that they would get the hint. I then pleasured myself when it was done and after they left the room.
I let my husband think that my mani pedis are getting more expensive due to a general cost increase but really I’m paying extra for a shoulder massage every time.
Got to the airport at 2 a.m. for 8:20 a.m. flight. Slept on the floor in 3 different places.
Rumple Minze tastes minty whenever you throw it up too.
