Sunday Confessions: 1-18-26

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day — hopefully you’re off today and reading this from the comfort of your couch. And if you are working today, hopefully you’re also reading this from the comfort of your couch.

Per this week’s confessions, a lot of you are not liking January! Same, but trying to turn things around today.

Here they are.

Two of my friends just met and started dating. I know I should be happy for them but I hope it doesn’t workout so that they will be single like me.

Realized I don’t really have much in common with my best friends of 20 years anyone. Also not really feeling upset about it for some reason.

I spent $250 to read an AI enemies-to-lovers story from an Instagram ad and got flagged by my bank’s fraud department.

All I wish I was doing today was rolling around the sheets with the hot young boy from my office.

I find it embarrassing being home over a 3-day weekend.

I had a circumcision on Wednesday and yet I’m dreading work more.

My friend and I vowed to get in shape this year and I’m already sick of her asking me if I’ve worked out or why I haven’t worked out.

I desperately need to meet someone new and get laid. But all I want to do is read and smoke weed in front of a YouTube fireplace on my couch.

I think sexting with my ex-situationship helped me get over my ex. Would recommend.

Discovered my co-worker lied which resulted in another person getting fired because of her. She doesn’t know I know and I can’t look at her the same.

When people are impressed by my job I insist that they shouldn’t be but if they don’t seem impressed, I’m disappointed.

Attention span so ruined I’m genuinely proud of myself for already watching two (2) movies this year without interruptions. Both were at a movie theatre, but hey it still counts.

I still have Christmas lights on my porch and don’t plan to take them down until the time changes in March.

I’m getting tired of my best friend who always needs some type of consolation/attention but sucks at reciprocating and offering the same support.

Cheated hard on dry January…gin drinks and shrooms…

I have a note in my phone to remember the Sunday Confessions I want to submit.

I spent a weekend with him in Spain 2 years ago and I still think about it.

I signed up to run a 5k and turned around at the 1-mile mark. I hid in my car until I could collect my medal.

I just want to call out of work all the time to have sex with my boyfriend.

Falling in love. That’s all.

I slowly debated how to get back at a co-worker for getting me fired and if I should send the link to his OnlyFans to the entire company. I ultimately decided no revenge necessary because I believe in karma in that rotten fruit will fail on its own. But I do think about it occasionally and hope I never arrive to a point where I change my mind.

Using my maternity leave to get back into the best shape of my life so I can be a milf.

I will openly fart at bars if the music is loud enough.

I want to break up with my boyfriend but I don’t want to start paying rent.

Some random girls for a Pilates studio no where near me have been posting content all weekend of them in matching sets and eye masks during their workouts and as a result, I’ve been shopping for matching sets for my mat Pilates class. I’m so ashamed.

Committed to paying off debt and simultaneously purchasing a $1000 loungewear set from Lunya. I call it balancing luxury. Don’t tell my husband.

I become super horny after I take an “everything” shower.

I love being a single independent woman, but not when it comes to carrying my groceries up the stairs.

I haven’t showered since Friday morning. Been in a funk and find it hard to leave the apartment. Don’t know if it’s my boss, my debt, my hormones, or need to up my Lexapro dose. Maybe all of the above.

My partner flosses his teeth in our living room. Nothing turns me off more. I love that he has healthy teeth, but that’s just gross.

Editor’s Note: While this does gross me out, we need to consider the other dental confessions and write this off as a win.

After watching Heated Rivalry I’ve been in a pit of depression thinking about how my love life will never be what they have. I’m happily married.

I use chapgpt on how to text the men on my roster.

I’m spending my birthday alone and it’s awful and awesome at the same time.

Hailey Bieber made me buy things from Victoria’s Secret again.

I only ski so I can rip cigs on the chairlift. Better than sex.

I’m still single because I’m scared to be with a man that resembles any of the bums that my friends ended up with.

My resolution for the year was to finally try a martini. One was enough.

I wish you nothing but the worst, Kristina. Bitch.

A piece of my tooth fell out the other day. I’m still struggling to make myself go to the dentist to get it fixed.

My friend asks how I’m doing, but I feel like she always uses ChatGPT to respond…. like why bother.

This is the first January in at least 5 years that I’m not at least attempting to do dry January or trying to keep stupid New Year’s resolutions. I might be having the best January of my life.

Sometimes I tell my husband I’m working out in the basement but I really put a peloton class on the tv then lay on the couch and scroll on TikTok endlessly then splash water on my face before going upstairs.

Early wedding planning and realizing the cost of things makes me want to run through a wall. Should we just elope and say fuck the wedding?

Editor’s Note: As someone who did just that, yes.

I pay for Raya just to brag that I have Raya.

I don’t own a toaster. 30-year-old and married. I need a toaster.

Sent a couple choice boudoir pics to a 25 year-old who lives several states away after we FaceTimed last night (we’ve never so much as even kissed). I’ll turn fifty this summer and, honestly, I’m kind of here for it.

The last time I bought new bedding I didn’t wash it before I put it on my bed.

My husband lit my favorite expensive candle without trimming the wick.