17 (More) People Describe Why They're Single
Have you ever been so bored sitting at your desk that you think to yourself, “Fuck it.” before increasing the radius of every dating app you’ve ever downloaded? It’s not a gratifying experience by any means, but you can at least find happiness in the fact that you’re leaving all your cards on the table.
I always referred to it as “single to the point of desperation.” Nothing matters anymore. Going on a date with her? It wasn’t something you used to consider, but it’s been a while so why not throw caution to the wind and see what happens?
Whether you’ve reached that threshold or not, you can probably imagine a scenario in which you could’ve found yourself there. I found myself there when I was 25 but was too embarrassed to takl about it with anyone besides two people who were probably tired of hearing about it. This week on The Sunday Scaries Podcast, I told the stories of ten people who have found themselves without a partner.
While collecting these stories, my inbox was overwhelmed with other stories that I felt needed to be heard. Unedited, these are the additional stories of seventeen more people who simply can’t find what they’re looking for. Or, in some cases, don’t want to yet.
I’ve never been single before this. I dated my high school sweetheart from 16 to 26, met someone right after we split, and now I’m single for the first time at 28. I feel like most people learn some lessons through trial and error that I haven’t learned yet - it may be painful for them at the time, but it’s important.
I’m making an effort to be as single as possible right now, coincidentally coinciding with finishing grad school and moving to a new city. I’ve never learned to be on my own, and there’s no better time than today.
I tell my family it’s because I’ve had to move several times for my job, but really dating just sucks. The typical getting to know someone questions are brutal, and if it’s not the right person, it’s hard to force convo.
I’m single because I just moved across the country to start a new job/completely new life at 27 years old. I moved across the country to start a completely new life/job because I’m single. Funny how that seems to have worked both ways. I’m not willing to sacrifice my own time or emotional investment on another person if I don’t see a potential future there. the older I get and the more experiences I have with the opposite sex, the less I’m willing to settle in a potential partner. I’m probably too picky, too easily turned off, as I’ve been jaded by a handful of bad experiences in the past. I don’t like to waste any of my limited time and energy on someone I don’t share something special with. So until that person shows up, whoever she may be, I’ll just be here drinking plenty of water and minding my own business.
I moved home and started working, it’s hard dating as an adult and living at home. I’ve tried tinder and the like but I haven’t met anyone that I’ve felt a connection with. Most of the women I go out on date with are nice but the whole thing just causes me a whole mess of anxiety.
Mostly I think that dating is going to have to be put on hold until I move out.
I’m not sure why I’m single. I’ve been trying a bunch of dating apps (bumble, tinder, hinge). But nothing seems to work out. I’m a young, tall successful guy so I’m not sure what’s keeping women from being attracted to me. I’ve been told I’m an old soul, so maybe it could be that.
Almost two years after starting our relationship, my, now ex, girlfriend moved from DC to NYC about two months ago. We were giving the long distance thing an honest try and I had every intention of moving to NYC to live with her in June. Last Wednesday she calls me out of the blue to break up with me. Completely blindsided. So immediately this weekend my plan was to get right back on the horse. It’s not easy when you feel like there’s a hole in your chest but the only way to not think about this girl 24/7 is to keep myself distracted. Go out, meet new people at bars, dance like and idiot and shoot your shot. Can’t hit the ball with the bat on your shoulder. Being rejected isn’t fun, and I’m not gonna excited to get turned down when I ask to buy someone a drink, but you’ll never know if you don’t take a chance. And as someone pointed out to me this weekend, my current situation can’t get worse.
I’m 26 and I’ve been single my whole life. it’s not super intentional, but I definitely haven’t been trying too hard to find someone, either. I swear I’m pretty normal—I have a decent job, friends, a THRIVING social life, and I go on dates...but I feel like a 14 year old when it comes to serious relationships. I think my situation is a pretty classic “I like the ones who don’t like me and don’t like the ones who like me” deal. Like, I’ll have feelings for a friend who doesn’t feel the same for three years or something and convince myself he’s the love of my life. Then I’ll go on two dates with a perfectly normal guy and never want to see him again (honestly usually for legitimate reasons). I annoy myself, but I also don’t know how to change!!! The apps drive me crazy, and dating outside of them is, like...nonexistent at this point, I think? Anyways, yeah. I don’t really know why I answered this but I feel like the older I get the less common my “lifestyle” (lol) is, and maybe it’s entertaining.
Honestly, I know that I am afraid of putting myself out there and actually being vulnerable. That risks making a fool of myself, looking desperate, making things awkward with someone if they reject me, and adding “does he actually like me” to my already extensive list of things I’m anxious about. I get nervous and awkward when I am around someone I have a crush on from all that fear, so that doesn’t help either. The only person I’ve been with was a set up from a friend, and it worked out well but ultimately wasn’t right. It alleviated some of the risk bc I didn’t know him before and when it ended we could go back to our lives without it being messy. That seems like my ideal way to meet someone, but I don’t like bothering friends for set ups; and I know I need to allow myself to take romantic risks and be vulnerable if I am ever going to find someone.
I’m single and it’s neither good nor bad — it just is. There is so much pressure put on us to be “not single,” but I have to come to realize that it’s much better than being with a person who doesn’t share my values. I’m on Hinge but as Heather Havrilesky from Ask Polly puts it, “if you hating dating apps, you’re unlikely to find love on a dating app.” For now, I’m focusing on being the person I want to be, pushing myself to leave my house more often than I am inspired to, and staying patient.
I've been single for about 6 years. I spent 5 years in college in an engineering school, so trying to find someone to date was hard when they ratio of guys to girls was 7:3. I have been told to not even try anything and let things go as they are. So far most anything I had close to a relationship has been short flings and nothing more. Anytime I think someone ias compatible they find someone else. It also doesnt help I had a pretty abusive relationship in college and the wounds from that haven't fully healed.
So now I work all the time and try not to think about it. I have a female coworker who cares about me a lot but is seeing someone else she knows she wont be with for more than a few more months. Idk what to do now so I just work, and hope I'll meet someone.
I’ve been single for quite a while now; about four years. I’ve been on dates here and there during that time, but they’ve never yielded relationships. While it makes me cringe slightly to write that out, I don’t see it as a bad thing necessarily.
Am I single by choice? Well, yes and no. I can’t say that I put very much effort in to meeting new women or dating, so it only makes sense that I’ve been single for some time. To be honest, finding a significant other isn’t something I feel strongly about. I feel like I’m still not totally ready. That will probably change soon as I continue through my twenties, but for now, I’m focusing more on improving myself.
I’ll admit that it’s a little tough when I see people I know enjoying their relationships with their respective S.O.’s. I’m legitimately happy for them but it does remind me of my single-ness. For now, I’ll just be moving to the beat of my own drum.
I hate getting to know people via text message (aka dating apps). And I can’t help but still act like a fool at the bar.
Yep, I’m single. Lately, it’s been the two date and done relationship. This trend has been going for the past 3 months or so, prior to about six months of not a single date.
The dates go well, just nothing that has potential to be long term. “The game” is prominent in the dating scene. A “no reply for 6 hours” isn’t crazy. It sucks but it is what it is I Guess.
I just want some consistency.
Why am I single? I blame the rom-coms that we all have come to use as a coping mechanism every time those oh too familiar Sunday Scaries come knocking. Now a young man in college, I’ve become the most cliche form of the hopeless romantic. I meet a woman and let myself manifest an image of them that is so idealistic that she, or myself for that matter, could live up to. I dig myself into a whole so deep that I inevitably end up disappointing myself, and I’m now starting to realize that it doesn’t really have much to do with them in the first place. So here I find myself, moving from perfect person to perfect person, just trying to break the bad habit in between.
I’ve been single for about a year and a half now after two long term relationships. I just moved back to New York and while I’ve been going on dates I still haven’t met the right girl. I’m in my mid 20’s and while my friends are getting engaged or deep into serious relationships, I’m kinda just around as the 3rd wheel. While I’m not looking to rush into a relationship with the wrong girl, I can’t help but think about why I haven’t met a girl I really click with since I moved back a few months ago.
I’ve been single for about a year coming off of a very serious relationship. We were both talking about marriage, kids, and moving in together. She was the love of my life and best friend. Then it all went awry. I have been struggling with my mental health and she knew, obviously. I had an awful suicidal episode earlier this year and that led to her sending me into a mental institute for a week. She sent me cause she loved and cared about me and I felt like it was the best move. Once I got home, things didn’t feel right. I was being treated differently by her and it SHOWED. The more we talked about what was going on in my head, the more she distanced herself romantically. I felt like I needed that type of emotion from her and I never received it. Eventually one of our conversations turned to her telling me we needed to break up because she couldn’t handle going through what we were going through.
That wrecked me. I was back in that dark place that started this all. I had to block her on everything because it pained me to see her living a life that didn’t include me. I took all this time figuring myself out and working on my mental health. It definitely hasn’t been a line process. Surrounding myself with positive people and my best friends has been the biggest help. I’ve been getting better every day and I’m absolutely ready to start looking for something serious again but I will say, I have no idea how to do properly go about it. It hasn’t been easy, especially in the age of online dating.
All this being said, what I’m looking for is someone who can understand who I am and the way my mind works. I know I have the capability of being happy and I know what I need to do for the days where I’m not feeling one hundred percent. I don’t expect someone to be my “cure” for lack of a better word, I just want someone that can live with me as we become a better version of ourselves.
There probably isn't just one answer to this question. But nuances aside, the reason I'm single isn't that I haven't met the right person — it's that I haven't met any person that's even in contention.
For a long time, I resisted the apps. I didn't want to do them, they freaked me out. "I can't tell if I have a connection with someone just from texting," I said. I gave in. I downloaded the damn apps and went on some dates. I went on some good dates, but mostly just fun dates, nothing or nobody that I could ever seriously date. (Those people would mostly agree. I wasn't declining more dates from great guys.)
So, now, I have the hang of the apps. I like the apps! I can meet people on the apps! But it's become different. I've talked to several guys who ask me out, pick a specific date for the date, and then never text me again. It's disheartening and for lack of a better word, stupid, and it makes me want to give up on the whole thing. I go out, but a lot of my friends are in relationships, so they aren't always in the "party mood." I'll chat with some random guys, or I'll chat with my friends at the bar about a guy that I think is cute but am not going to approach, and then I'll go home.
Could I be doing more? Maybe. But can't a guy just ask me out on a date on the apps and then follow through? Or approach ME at a bar and then follow through? UGH.