Sunday Confessions: 3-15-26

Today while combing through all the submitted confessions, I realized I haven’t done something in a bit: thank all of you. Thank you for anonymously sending in your inner-most thoughts for the entertainment of others. In honor, I’ve included one of my own this week.

Here they all are —

I haven’t bought tampons in months because I steal them from work. It’s a big company and I feel like it’s the least they can do.

I think of quitting my job by age 40 and opening a general store in South Dakota often.

I have lost about 50 pounds in 2 years. I miss the way my breast and hips looked when I was thicker. I hate being thin with little to no curves.

I have never voluntarily farted in front of my fiancé. We’ve been together for 3 years.

I mistakenly took someone’s drink at the Starbucks counter. Took a drink before I realized it. Put it back.

I’m a personal assistant. I still look at my old bosses (a family) emails and delete important ones. I left 3 years ago and they don’t know I still have access. I hate them so much.

Doing well on my GLP-1 but ever since a registered dietitian told me to make a greater effort to prioritize protein, I’ve just been using that as an excuse to eat more fried chicken.

I can’t stop lying and I don’t know why. They keep getting bigger and I need to stop but I can’t. I don’t want people to know the way I really act.

I think I might be genuinely addicted to romance novels.

I discovered a wet load of laundry in the machine this morning…. It has been there since Monday.

I’m 30 years old and my parents still pay my phone bill.

I lie about what I can afford in an effort to make others feel better about themselves. If my friends knew how much even my boring clothes cost they’d think I’m a total bitch.

The AI fantasy worlds I create are much more exciting than my normal life could ever be.

I have picked up the new hobby of bringing my vibrator in the shower and putting on the new Harry Styles album. Harry and I have a great time.

I want to hug him with my legs.

What I really want to text is, “This friendship is exhausting and I’m tired of you and your husband constantly having a competition with us that we’re not even participating in,” but just text, “Oh, cool!” every time instead.

I drank too much and puked in my husband’s brand new truck, 3 times.

JFK Jr is played out and I’m judging everybody who’s just now trying to hop on the aesthetic.

My boss is away on vacation this week. I can’t tell what’s worse… not getting to see his face each day, or constantly daydreaming that I’m on that beach and in his bed.

I caught my undergrad professor with porn on her computer over ten years ago and never told anyone.

I haven’t washed my sheets in months.

Invited to a threesome by a stranger at a bar before noon.

It scares me how much I love cigs.

I pick my nose in the car on the way home from work everyday, and enjoy it.

I fear I’m succumbing to the skinny girl propaganda and am trying to lose weight and go to the med spa.

I can’t stop thinking about this character from my latest book as if he’s a real person.

I use my Goodreads wants to read list as a way to ragebait my friends with opposing political views. I never even read the books.

I just drank a glass of pinto bean broth.

it really bugs me when i see a friends location at a place we talked about going to. i act like im not bothered, but my feelings are hurt.

The sound of my boyfriend slurping his spaghetti last night turned me on way too much… I was just imagining what else he could slurp that way. I’ll see myself out.

I love Long John Silvers but I would never reveal it because everyone shits on it so much.

I found out my friends don’t invite me to anything to anymore, because I make less money and it’s “too hard” for them to work around that.

I could make good money on Onlyfans showing what I do to my situationship on Snapchat.

Broke up with ChatGPT and actually worried that they might be hurt.

Am I about to drive 6 hours for a hook up? Yes... yes, I am.

I clean my ears daily, but sometimes, you still get some residue. I love scraping it out with my finger tip, smoothing it between my finger and thumb, and then smelling my fingers. So lovely.

Girlbossed too hard and now I’m on the team that makes layoff decisions.

Work crush recently left the company and I am genuinely devastated that nothing will ever happen between us.

I bought soap at a farmers market that smells like my ex.

Eat shit, Joey.