Naughty & Nice

By Old Man Body

Some of you have been naughty, other have been nice nice. Here’s my personal list of how you animals have acted.

Nice List

Anonymous

Let’s be real: I didn’t really want to see Hope Solo’s snatch. It looked like the exit wound of a lot of deer I’ve shot with a high-powered rifle. But still, seeing Justin Verlander posing shirtless in $30 Wranglers was GOLD. I watched The Fappening real time, drunk as shit with my bros and it’s probably a top 10 life event for me.

Clooney

You finally got married man, that rocks. So now there’s a .0000001% of me bagging Nina Agdal instead of a .0000000000000001%. I’ll take those odds. Shooters gonna shoot!

Kardashian Family

Kendall turned 18, ‘nuff said. Hopefully makes up for Kim getting stuffed by Ray-J on camera.

Jimmy Russell

The master distiller of Wild Turkey has unknowingly engineered the majority of my blackouts in 2014, and that gets him a spot on the nice list.

Naughty List

Ri Ri

You’ll always be on my naughty list, girl.

Olivia Munn

You talk about banging the only guy I’d go gay for (A-RODG) more than I bitch about not having a real girlfriend. You’re on my naughty list because I didn’t forget about those sexts.

Taylor Swift

Let’s get this out of the way: 1989 is the most overrated album of the last ten years. Subjecting me to hearing “Shake It Off” fifty times per day and making out with girls now gets you on the naughty list.

Leo

You leave the club with 20 girls? So naughty.

Whoever Picks What Commercials To Run During NFL Games

The Papa John’s commercials about Peyton being a baby not in the NFL drive me up the wall. Mix that in with the dorky commercial about the NFL family with 30 different favorite teams and “I Want It Now” NFL Now ads and you push me to the verge of suicide every Sunday. My Sundays don’t need to get Scarier, so clean it up NFL.

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