Drunk Me asking Sober Me questions, part I.

It's like Hemingway said: "Write drunk, edit sober." He probably didn't actually say this but I'm too lazy to check Snopes and find out. Anyway, this is a new feature where the drunk version of myself writes down questions after a night out, and the sober version of myself responsibly transcribes the questions and answers them.

Has anyone answered "no" to the question, "Are you good to drive?" This question yields two responses - "Yeah, I'm fine!" and *unintelligible mumbling* that signals that the person is obviously not "good to drive." If someone has already mentally committed to leave a bar or party, do you really think they're going to renege on that and say, "You know, you're right. I should wait this one out." Alcohol breeds confidence and confidence breeds failure to admit you're hammered. The only move is to distract hammered people and steal their keys so they are either forced to walk home or pass out on the floor somewhere.

Do you think Beyonce gets self-conscious when Jay-Z tells her that he's going to the studio to record with Rihanna? 100% yes. I bet Jay has a complete separate iPhone that Rihanna is supposed to call when they need to record purely because he doesn't want traces of her on the phone Beyonce goes through when he's showering. Actually, it's probably not even an iPhone - it's probably an LG sliding burner phone which prompts some Frank-Underwood-House-of-Cards shit that Jay has to do in order to get to the studio. Rihanna is a mach-10 freak and for Beyonce to just ignore that would be flat out irresponsible.

Think you'll ever be rich enough to hire a model whose only job is to unwrap Starbursts for you? No.

Will deFriesComment