To hell with Valentine's Day. Get me to the Olympic Village STAT.
Olympic villages, packed as they are with emotionally charged strangers at the height of their physical conditioning, tend to be fairly uh, active, when it comes to sex. Sochi (and London before it) didn't give out tons of condoms for no reason. But this Olympics has a yet another reason to stock up on rubbers: The ease of Tinder. "Tinder in the Olympic Village is next level. It's all athletes! In the mountain village it's all athletes. It's hilarious. There are some cuties on there," gold-medal snowboarder Jamie Anderson told Us Weekly (h/t Valleywag). Anderson deleted her account because it was too distracting, but presumably there are loads of other Olympians still hooking up. Sure 100,000 condoms are going to be enough?
On February 2nd, 2013, I tweeted, "Bigger freakfest: Tinder or the Olympic Village?" from my personal Twitter account. Now that these two worlds are finally colliding, I'm beside myself with the FOMO of all FOMOs. Sure, I can pat myself on the back for being clairvoyant as fuck, but that ain't getting me a tantric Valentine's Day session with Silje Norendal. I bet Hansel from Zoolander is there and he hasn't left his fuckin' room yet, while the Jamaican bobsled team is walking around in "Pussy Patrol" t-shirts doing shit that we can't even comprehend.
Detroit to Sochi is only $4,581 right now. I'm not saying I'd turn down the money.