Things Bros Say That I Hate: Part Two
And so it continues. Maybe it’s just because I’m in the middle of some *drama* at the moment but dudes have been pissing me off far more than usual. Or maybe it’s because I got dragged along to a sports bar last night during Opening Day and people were yelling about Romo and I just thought that was the abbreviated name for the place I drunkenly order pizza from. And, for that matter, when I asked questions about baseball they looked at me like I was an idiot so I just Snapchatted my friends and was generally ignored. But you know what, whatever the root of the problem may actually be, bros are being fucking annoying this week.
This week was a week filled with dudes that made me consider switching my Tinder to show both dudes and dames. I didn’t but I thought about it for like twenty minutes.
“Sorry I didn’t get back to you.” (Said days later.)
Yeah wtf. We are literally ADDICTED to our phones these days, pal. There’s no legitmate excuse for not texting someone back. Hide a girl’s iPhone from her and watch the panic that overcomes her entire 110 lb body – that’s everyone today whether you admit it or not. I know you were ignoring me on purpose and now that you’ve got me face to face you’re just using your cute butt and long eyelashes to try and make me forget about the fact that you were being a total dick. It’s kind of working… NO IT’S NOT. Fuck you for ignoring me.
“She’s totally a stage five clinger.”
Or she just likes you. Maybe if you had been totally transparent about what this was going to be she wouldn’t have made the mistake of getting weird with you and developing “the feels” and you wouldn’t be in this situation. Honesty is the best policy and saves a lot of drama in the long run.
Also stop pretending like you’re in Wedding Crashers. Your life is not a movie and you are not going to get an Isla Fisher. DREAM ON.
“GET OUT OF THE ROAD.” (Basically any unnecessary road rage.)
Stop it. Stop it stop it stop it stop it STOP IT. That is a person who could FOLLOW US. And unlike yelling at the TV which I still find stupid that is another, in real life human, and they very well could decide they want to “go” and I am not interested in calling 911 for you when we were just supposed to picking up Pho.
“Can we talk about this later?”
HEY. I do not appreciate your attempts to distract me and get me to forget what I’m ranting about. I am not a cat that you can distract with a laser pointer. Okay…I kind of am. But if that’s what you’re attempting to do you should at least try and mask it with like a cupcake bribe or something. When you ask that inane question you’re just making me more heated, overall tenser, and more riled up. Is that the goal, champ? YOU SUCCEEDED.
“I didn’t know you were actually mad.”
Yes you did. I read Sunday Scaries so I know that you guys aren’t as dumb as you play. Consider the illusion shattered.