So your girl was hanging out with a gentleman caller the other night, just casually listening to a podcast and getting ready to hit the town. The topic of legalizing prostitution came up and as we’ve already established I am not afraid of confrontation nor am I one to back down when I have a strong opinion about a topic. Anyway things got a little heated, I started ranting and counting statistics on my fingers and then this dipshit had the audacity to say one of the worst things to say to a ranting woman:
“Jeeze, why don’t you relax?”
Relax?! Seriously?! I put on a smile and ignore catcallers and deal with misogyny pretty much every damn day and when I get a little heated about something that YOU brought up you have to nerve to tell me to fucking relax? Ugh. Needless to say he didn’t get laid that night.
But it made me think about all the stupid shit that comes out of a dude’s mouth. And when I saw Mr. Read Receipts rattling off about the things girls say that annoy him I had to put in my two cents. Last word style.
“Girls look better with no makeup on.”
Not only is she wearing makeup, she’s wearing like minimum 14 different things. You know when you were being an ass and talking about how gross she looked the other morning? That’s a no makeup look. And calling her a swamp creature is why she feels the need to wear makeup in the first place ya douche.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Yes. Yes I do. You weren’t listening because you were too busy thinking about how your balls are sticking to your thigh and how you’d rather be playing FIFA. And even if I don’t why do you have to point it out like an ass? You don’t know how to talk to women so suck on that.
“I’m not thinking about anything.”
I don’t understand how that is even mentally possible and it makes me tense even just thinking about it.
“I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.”
Great….only thing is I didn’t ask. I just asked if you wanted to come over and watch Gone Girl because Rosamund Pike freaks me out. Until I say “Where do you see this going?” saying anything along the lines of how you don’t want to be tied down is really presumptuous and makes you seem like you think your life is That Awkward Moment. Spoiler alert: you aren’t as hot as Miles Teller and it’s not.
Well you’re underreacting so put the two of us together and it makes the perfect amount of reaction. SCIENCE.