When the 2014 The Quintessential Sunday Scaries March Madness Hot Bro Bracket was announced, there were some heavy favorites including #1 Golf Courses and #1 Matthew McConaughey. But, as goes in any March Madness bracket, you have your Cinderellas ie. #5 Golf Course and #7 Mint Juleps. While these Cinderellas make for a beautiful story, their road to fucking-shit-up in the Finals seemed to end before it even began.
Now, the most unfortunate truth about all of this is that we can't just combine the Final Four and call it a day. My ideal day is golfing with three of my bros (one being McConaughey) with all of our cell phones off while we have a certified slayfest on some mint fuckin' juleps. While that sounds all honky dory, I really really really hate coexist bumper stickers so ain't no coexisting gonna happen 'round here.
Quite honestly, Mint Juleps learned a hard, hard lesson through all of this - everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the mouth. And McConaughey took one giant fuckin' Joe Louis-style haymaker straight to the jaw of Mint Juleps and left em face down in a pool of their own blood. I've said it once and I'll say it again - You can't out-Hot-Bro a Hot Bro. And when you're going up against the Hottest Hot bro, you're gonna get Hot Bro'd (no homo, or has that been rendered useless at this point?).
While the general public does love living the OP Life, the heavy favorite Golf Course emerged with a heavy majority to propel it into the finals. Own Program came out guns blazing when voting opened, but the masses quickly changed their tune and realized that they'd rather crush some long drives than go without a cell phone. And part of me has to agree, because a good drive feels like you're half-cumming.
But now, THE CHAMPIONSHIP. Press play.
Two top seeds to head-to-head, Golf Courses vs. Matthew McConaughey. The tension of the March Madness over the past week culminates with the illustrious location where men can be men colliding with a the man who encompasses so much of what Sunday Scaries lives for. They have dominated their opponents day after day. Round after round. Golf Courses, coming in off their Final Four victory, will aim to get an early lead against the heavy favorite, but can they overwhelm the very person that absolutely decimated this year's Cinderella story? There is great hope on the part of the Golf Course fans, but the star of Matthew McConaughey will be burning ever-so-bright as these two powerhouses come to blows. This is what they live for. This is the finals. This is Sunday Scaries.
Don't be afraid to flood the voting. Actually, if you're passionate about something, let your freak flag fly and FLOOD THAT VOTING.