The Layover

#JustMe while stranded in the Detroit Metro Airport.

#JustMe while stranded in the Detroit Metro Airport.

If you're in my inner circle (#ContemporaryReggae allusion!), then Snapchat told you that I was stuck in the Detroit Metro Airport the other night. Prior to flying from LAX to Detroit, I sat on the runway for 3 hours due to an FAA fuck-up. And uhhhhh, earth to the FAA! I didn't pony up an extra $50 on Delta Economy Plus seating so I could sit around with my dick in my hand (figuratively, not literally) for three hours before taking off while watching episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and sneakily reading the Spanglish texts composed by the fake-nailed Latina girl I was sitting next to. If there's one way to amplify your Post-Vacation Stress Disorder (PVSD, which is totally a thing now), it's by having the FAA butt-fuck your itinerary, because:

  1. The FAA hardly informs that airlines with what the hell is going on.
  2. The timetable for fixing said fuck-up is unclear because instead of one flight being delayed, 4,000 people are stationary on the runway at LAX.
  3. Delta has zero obligation to give you a food/hotel voucher because it's the FAA's fuck-up, not Delta's fuck-up.

Our flight got in right around midnight and I was not about to drop any cash on a murder-y Days Inn stay that would last about 6 hours before I had to head back to the airport (especially after I had just spent a couple stacks on too many rounds of golf in the days leading up to this).

So what'd I do? I got my Viktor Navorski on and channeled The Terminal.

Sneaky best part of the Detroit airport? When the Molly kicks in while you're on the escalator through the tunnel. Better than an opium den at an outdoor Phish show.


Will deFriesComment