It's the Friday after Memorial Day ft. The Final-Final

The eternal post-Scaries decision: do I be responsible and drink water with lemon, or do I be awesome and drink vodka with lemon?

The eternal post-Scaries decision: do I be responsible and drink water with lemon, or do I be awesome and drink vodka with lemon?

It's the Friday after Memorial Day, and if you're anything like me, you're going through a wave of emotions right now. You're in one of the two camps — you're either finally recovered from last weekend and ready to go the fuck out again, or you're still slightly mentally stirred and you're trying to talk yourself into a "slow, responsible weekend."

Over Memorial Day weekend, I went out one night (yes, just one) and I was still mentally devastated until I completed my therapeutic mid-week round of golf on Wednesday. My fever dreams of work nightmares and cold sweats have passed and have been replaced with thoughts of, "Hey man, you're in you're fuckin' mid-20s heyday. Get it, kid."

And because Matthew McConaughey tells me that time is a flat circle, the never-ending cerebral debate of "I'm never drinking again" and "What do people do when they're sober?" continues. But, no matter how responsibly irresponsible I'm going to be this weekend, you can bet the house on a few things:

  1. I'm going to be crushing some hot bro drives on an overly-expensive golf course.
  2. Sunday is going to be a Fat Day.
  3. I'm going to have at least one Final-Final on Saturday night.

"What's a Final-Final?", you ask? Well, it's one of the few cocktails that I'm an expert at making next to Dark & Stormies, Gamechangers, and Miami Vices.

The Final-Final



  • Ice
  • Absolut Citron
  • Lemon


  1. Fill a rocks glass with ice.
  2. Fill the glass half-full with Absolut Citron.
  3. Pretend you're done pouring it and give your friends the "Val" look from Brink!
  4. Laugh and fill the rest of the glass with Absolut Citron.
  5. Garnish that motherfucker with a fat wedge of lemon.

"Oh, cool, man. Thanks for teaching us how to make a vodka-rocks." First off, go fuck yourself. Second off, this drink is more about the mindset than it is the contents.

When you're combining a night of boozing with a night of trying to be responsible, you often find yourself telling your friends, "Alright alright, I'll have one final drink." Well, that "final drink" usually turns into about three or four final drinks, which is how The Final-Final came to fruition. It's the perfect night-capper because 1. It's strong as hell and will put you to sleep, 2. You can't fuck up the recipe because it's easy as fuck to make, 3. The lemon totally cures your hangover, 4. It's the final final drink of the night, hence the name "The Final-Final." Before you know it, you're face down in your bed with one eye open scrollin' Instagram before completely passing out. Doesn't that just sound great? Final-Finals for everyone.

Regardless of whether I go out or not this weekend, I'll see you motherfuckers Sunday for some Scaries. In the mean time: