The Best Drinks To Fend Off The Sunday Scaries

By Shmorey Shmallen

A tradition unlike any other. It's Sunday. You've just spent the last 36 hours either binge drinking, not leaving your couch, gambling, drinking some more, using recreational drugs, or some combo of all the above. You feel the Scaries creeping up. Like a runway train, there's really no stopping them.

Luckily a bunch of bros in Greece figured out a way to get loose about 5,000 years ago and discovered alcohol. No one is more appreciative of this discovery than the young adult in 2015 who is staring the start of the work week directly in the face. Because even though you can't freeze time and prevent Monday from slapping you in the face, you can at least talk yourself off the ledge on Sunday by downing a few adult beverages and convincing yourself that your behavior this weekend was acceptable and the upcoming week won't be so bad (both of these are false, by the way).

The Mimosa

I was originally going to say champagne as a whole here, but if you're drinking champagne out of a flute on a Sunday I highly doubt you're too concerned about how much your Saturday bar tab was. The mimosa is one of the most underrated drinks in the entire alcohol catalog. Light, goes down easy, packs a sneaky punch. You really can't go wrong.

The thing is, I don't see the mimosa as a longevity type of drink. You can go through a few pitchers at brunch or even a few bottles if they're homemade, but this a 10 AM to 1 PM drink. A few too many and you're keeled over in pain because your acid reflux is kicking in. Great start to your day, but not ideal if you're in it for the long haul and plan on boozing from the time you roll out of bed/off your buddy's couch until the time you force yourself into bed on Sunday. Stick to these at brunch or plan it out so you always have a bottle or two plus some OJ on deck in case you want to make them your own. Just don't plan on drinking these all day unless you want to be breathing fire by the time 6 PM rolls around and you can barely swallow.

Light Beer

I'm on the record as being a craft beer guy, but I still know my way around a 30 rack of Bud Light. If you wake up with a hangover that leaves you feeling like you just got released from Auschwitz and the only remedy is the hair of the dog that bit you, light beer is a solid go to. I'm convinced Bud Light and Miller Lite are better for an upset stomach than Ginger Ale. You might feel a little bloated after drinking 12-16 over the course of a day, but the positives far outweigh the negatives. They flow easily, they don't overwhelm your senses when you're hungover like craft beer, they are more easily shared in a group setting than craft beer, and there is literally nothing better than waking up slightly hungover/still buzzing and hearing the crack of a can being open to help fend off your Scaries. Also, you'll be able to take down more of these over the long haul, which is key when you're locked into a double overtime defensive battle with your Scaries.

Craft Beer

Slightly hungover? Mid-afternoon and you want to ease into being buzzed rather than slamming a few light beers to get you going? Want something with some added flavor to ease your cotton mouth from snorting the equivalent of Peru's GDP last night? Head to your local distributor to snag something that will pack a punch while also requiring minimum effort to get drunk. While not ideal for crushing drinks over the course of a 10 hour Sunday binge, craft beer is great when you're only looking for a few beers to make yourself less suicidal while also adding some variety.

My suggestion would be grab a mixed six pack, get some different flavors going, and Ride The Wave. You'll be buzzing faster than light beers and won't have to slug an entire 12 pack to get the job done. This is typically my bottom bitch in terms of what helps my brain process the fast approaching start of the work week. You won't feel as bloated, and it will actually help your self esteem knowing you only drank six beers on a Sunday, rather than waking up to graveyard of light beer cans. 

Wine

Lets class it up a bit. Wine is awesome. Yes I'm sure you'll hear a ton of your friends say "Wine bro? You want some cranberry juice too? You on your period?" Fuck that. I'll agree it's not for everyone, but wine is something everyone should at least try without assuming its terrible or only for girls who just got broken up with. A few glasses of Cab Sauv or white during the summer will turn your whole day around. You go from figuring out how to reenact the plot of Gone Girl to avoid work the next day, to realizing things could be worse.

Wine also pairs well with another Sunday Scaries favorite: the rom-com. A good movie and a bottle of wine later and you won't even remember why you were so scared in the first place. Also probably the best option when you're having an extra panicky afternoon. Picture yourself as Leo in Wolf of Wall Street in the scene where he's tied to the airplane seat and starts having a panic attack. Wine is like the Jonah Hill that starts rubbing your head and whispering in your ear that everything is going to be okay.

Liquor

Clearly the most aggressive option on the roster. I'm not talking Bloody's or Screwdrivers at brunch either. That's acceptable, I guess. I'm talking about drinking vodka, whiskey, rum, or even tequila on a Sunday evening. I don't even know if I can accurately analyze the usage of hard liquor on a Sunday because even I'm not enough of a loose cannon to opt for this. I'm sure it helps though. A glass of bourbon neat will probably ward of your Scaries, maybe a voddy-soda or two will do the trick. If you drink tequila on a Sunday I highly doubt you're employed so I'm not even sure this applies to you. But honestly if you're up for it, then you should either be commended or institutionalized. I just struggle to wrap my mind on someone picking liquor of all things as a "casual" drink on a Sunday. But I guess it works if you're not looking for casual. If you stayed up until 8 am Sunday morning making questionable decisions from the night before and you need to forget any of it ever happened and convince yourself it was all just a bad dream, then have at it. Shoot your shot.