Call me crazy, but I dread making a Christmas list every year. Once you get past the age of 25, I feel guilty asking for handouts from my parents when I should just be figuring out ways to afford material things I want on my own. Like yeah, they can pay for my cell phone bill, health insurance, and everything else. But pants and a new television? That's on me.
I've already come to the conclusion that my kids aren't going to be allowed to have video game systems because they'll be too busy doing plyometric training, so I've made a concerted effort to keep my Christmas list as low-tech as possible. I'm completely ashamed to admit that the best Christmas gifts I got as a kid were Tickle-Me-Elmo (4th grade, total chick magnet) and a Playstation2 (8th grade, chicks hated it).
But this year? OMB and I are keeping our Christmas lists as Hot Bro as possible.
NEED a desk football so I can be like McConaughey in How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days / Two For The Money. Feet up on the desk, hair slicked back, spinning the rock in your hand? Never not closing with that look.
"Beer" Sweater by The Elder Statesman View
The Beer Sweater puts out a vibe of "I like to drink beer" as well as "I can afford a $1635 sweater." And that's a vibe ya boy can get onboard with.
The Panic Room has been a cold, drafty place lately. While I don't hate my lobster print sheets, my bed definitely needs a winter upgrade. I mean, lobster sheets after Labor Day? Clean it up, Sunday Scaries.
Willow Smith's New Album
And an advance copy of Jaden's mixtape, because those kids just get it. I'd listen to it on Spotify but I'm currently protesting them until they acquire the rights to Taylor Swift and Bob Seger.
This is a "I mean business" combination that will go unrivaled after a day on the slopes. And besides, I need to get my après-ski game on point for —
The Ski Week Reservation View
My Kickstarter for Yacht Week didn't work out so I'm crossing my fingers that The Ski Week will. Nothing beats a day of shredding corduroy or freshies with your boys and capping it off with some après-ski bunnies in a mountain side hot tub.
Kid Rock Guns Holiday Sweatshirt View
If you're not celebrating Christmas wearing a sweatshirt with Kid Rock wearing a Santa hat with two handguns, are you even celebrating Christmas?
Great Lakes Topographical Map View
A great man once said, "I'm a Michigan boy, can you feel that?" That great man was obviously Kid Rock because Michigan over everything. Y'all already know that by now though.
Old Man Body
Scotch Glass Set
I bought a nice set after I graduated college but after several years of blacking out, they’re all toast. Can’t be a peasant drinking bourbon out of a coffee mug (it does have a picture of my dog’s face on it though).
Filson Tin Cloth Cruiser Jacket View
Waxed cotton keeps you dry and protected whether you’re hunting in the deep brush or navigating bars full of sloppy babes spilling drinks everywhere. Filson is the gold standard in this department.
I honestly don’t know anything about drones but I’m sure if I had one I could find sweet shit to do/run afoul of the law with it. Which one mean using it once or two, hitting a power line and tossing it in the dumpster. Still need one though.
Total bougie move having caffeinated or bourbon flavored toothpicks. I don’t have much experience with them, but I’m guessing it’s a total power move.
Sonos Playbar View
I don’t have a solid speaker system in my apartment yet but this would have me set for watching kickass movies like Lone Survivor. Better yet, it would be primetime for seducing a hot babe to the sweet sounds of the Marshall Tucker Band as I cook her something I shot myself.
Happy Socks View
A million pairs of them, too. I’m the undisputed heavyweight champion of the sock game. Having a strong sock game shows you have a great personality which makes the ladies SWOON. In the corporate world, it intimidates the fuck out of the generic corporate squids and their plain black/gray socks.
Beretta 686 Silver Pigeon View
I bought a new Benelli semi-auto over the summer but I’m itching for a high-end over/under shotgun. The Beretta Silver Pigeon is the hands down best double barrel on the market today under say, $2500. Not only do they shoot well, but you’ll impressive your girlfriend’s dad when you spend a Saturday at the range drinking beers and breaking clays.