Rhetorical Analysis: 5 Ways You Can Be A Gentleman In A World Full Of Boys

By Old Man Body

At least once a day, I have an Elite Daily post that pops up in my Facebook news feed because another desperate chick I’m friends with liked the article. Sometimes I actually click them because I want to see what kind of garbage advice they’re giving that day to droves of perpetually single 20 something white women and bro hater dudes.

This gem showed up the other day and I couldn’t help but break down what Patrick thinks makes a true gentleman in the year 2015. Follow along.

As always, original article in italics.

I keep hearing people proclaim the death of the gentleman. Everywhere I turn, I see overgrown boys speak to women in abominable ways. I see them playing manipulative games and emotionally punishing women like a pack of high school children.

I’ve seen these overgrown boys high-five their friends after spending a night with a woman, and then recount all the things she thought she shared with him and him alone.

Jesus, Pat, you’re one of these #YesAllWomen types, aren’t you? What’s the point of even having shackers over when you don’t give your boys the play-by-play the next morning? Weekend morning Facetiming with the bros and recapping our nights is one of my favorite things to do. Get some friends, maybe? I don’t know.

And don’t act like guys are the only ones being manipulative and playing games. Girls can be ruthlessly manipulative, possibly even better at it than these “overgrown boys” you speak of.

I call them “overgrown boys” because they are not men; being a man is more than just mimicking the external features of manhood. Being a man means embodying the behaviors of one, of gracefully owning the calculating logic and flowing emotion that lives within us all.

In short, being a man is living in harmony with what you think and how you feel.

I will not delve into the superficial characteristics of a gentleman (such as holding doors and paying for dates), as the subject has been discussed at length. My interest is in the mindset of a modern gentleman: the class of Clooney; the fun-loving, go-getter attitude of a Branson; the seductive energy of Depp.

Wait just a fuckin’ minute here. Clooney is/was the cocksman of his generation. Branson? Dude’s sort of an asshole, and let’s not forget about that time he was naked waterskiing with babes. Johnny Depp is seductive in the “date rape you in a panel van” way and that’s not how I picture a gentleman, Pat.

The Modern Gentleman is driven.

This is the single greatest flaw I see with men of my generation. When did it become cool to be in your mid-20s and have no vision?

Sure, you post motivational quotes on Facebook, along with pictures of what you consider to be the good life, but why are you spending your Friday and Saturday nights piss drunk or hungover?

What’s with the 4 am McDonalds runs? How productive are you after a night out?

If you post motivational quotes on Facebook, you’re a fucking pussy, plain and simple. But what can you possibly do that’s more fun than slamming Fireball shots and flirting it up with babes? Stay at home and do your Crossfit WOD for the third time in a day? NOPE. I’m envisioning Patrick doing some hardcore knitting/watching cat videos.

How productive am I after a night out? Well, a lot of times I go out on week nights (GASP!) and I’m kicking ass at work by 7:30 the next morning. It’s the difference between being an amateur and a professional, and Patrick clearly ain’t playing in the Big Leagues.

Listen, it’s fine to let loose sometimes, but if this is your weekly routine, you need to reevaluate where you’re going. A man of passion is a man who will constantly strive to better the lives of the people he loves. Turn off “Game of Thrones” and get cracking.

Wait, what? Watching Game of Thrones and drinking your face off 3-4 nights a week are two completely separate endeavors. I’m really interested to know what a Friday night in Patrick World is like. Actually, I’m not. Tthat sounds scary as fuck.  And I know a ton of highly successful people that are booze hounds. Remember what I said about people that don’t drink? Can’t trust ‘em.

The Modern Gentleman is composed.

I can’t believe the lack of maturity I’m seeing these days. From bragging about your sexual conquests to getting into arguments, to verbally lowering people around you to emotional outbursts at the wrong times. What the hell, man?

A gentleman is absolutely discreet, always composed and always in control. He does not let his emotions get the best of him.

I agree with most of this. Being emotionally stable is something we can all get behind.

Remember, it’s all about balance. Everyone has good days; everyone has bad days. What distinguishes you is your character on such days. When challenged, our lowest nature will drag us into the chaos with clenched fists, but ultimately, you lose.

You lose every time you react to someone who taunts you. You lose every time you brag to your friends for validation. You lose every time you argue with people you care about.

I don’t brag to my friends for validation, I’m just genuinely curious if that girl from the bar last night was actually as good looking as I remembered her being (answer; no, they never are).

How can your woman ever trust you again after that? If you snap at every little thing, how are you supposed to protect her and the people you love from the worst the world throws at you?

I don’t think Pat knows the Taken franchise is a work of fiction.

The Modern Gentleman is humble.

You start with nothing, but gradually (if you put in the work), you grow confident and might even develop a certain level of cockiness. But, eventually, those who become truly confident come full circle. In other words, they come back to nothing but a positive and peaceful nothing.

I wouldn’t necessarily say all of us are starting with nothing. Having a gorgeous full of head of hair most definitely opens doors for some of us.

They see they are not better or worse than anyone else; they just worked very hard. They don’t feel the world owes them anything, and they don’t feel the need to put others down to show how great they are; they’re just comfortable.

These are the people who don’t need a reason to talk to you; if they see a beautiful woman, you bet they’re already walking over there with a huge smile on their faces. These are the guys who go around the bar raising a glass to everyone, partaking in everyone’s joy and basking in the energy of the room.

These are the modern gentlemen. 

Completely agree. I love buying rounds of shots for people whether I know them or not. Walking up to random chicks with a smile on your face? I don’t know, I just think that sounds creepy because I’m imagining some dude walking around the bar with a boner and a Jared Loughner mugshot smile. And that’s not a good look.

The Modern Gentleman has impeccable speech.

This is a slight detail most people don’t notice, but it’s a game-changer. I’ve seen men dress to the nines in expensive clothes, and yet, swear like sailors. I don’t have that big a problem with swearing per se, but manners are important.

On a deeper level, your self-speech is hugely important. If your goal is to be successful, why joke about being poor? If you aim for confidence, why do you make comments like, “I’m such an idiot”?

I’ll be the first to admit that I have a potty mouth. Guilty as charged. People that don’t swear? They needed to get added to the list of folks OMB doesn’t trust yesterday. Cussing well is an art form.

And Patrick, I don’t ever joke about being poor either, but I will call myself an idiot fairly frequently. When you’re out there #RidingTheWave you’re going to make mistakes, a true gentleman would understand that.

This may seem like a minor detail, but if, upon a screw up, your first instinct is to beat yourself up verbally, the thought is lodged in your subconscious.

So, let me ask you this: In your relationship with yourself, if love isn’t there, who is providing it? You are the owner of your self-worth. You are the captain of your confidence; no one else can give this to you.

In addition, how you speak to yourself determines how you speak to others. If you haven’t learned to love yourself, how can you love others? You can only serve mankind with love, and that love starts with you.

Bro, it’s called self-deprecation, learn it. I’m comfortable enough with myself to poke fun at my dad body, being a total redneck most of the time or even the fact I can’t buy a bag of salt & vinegar chips (#Chipgate2015!) because I know I’ll eat the whole thing in one day. Guess what? Girls think that’s funny and laughter is about as good as aphrodisiac out there, other than cheap tequila or being rich as shit.

The Modern Gentleman lives for something greater than himself.

The successful people I’ve met all have one thing in common: They’re focused on providing value to the world, not on making money. I’ve heard this said over and over, but I guess I had to meet them to believe it.

A modern gentleman lives for something greater than himself. Shift your focus; you aren’t on earth to hoard and accumulate. Being a modern gentleman, your mission starts the second you leave your house.

Who does Pat hang out with? A billion percent it’s VC start up douchebags in Silicon Valley running around with their dad’s hard earned money. Because all of the successful people I know care about making money so they can afford a better life. Providing value to the world is for the birds. Would I rather make money to buy a new shotgun or help out Ebola victims in Africa? A real gentleman takes care of #1 first and then focuses on solving the world’s problems, preferably on a barstool with a glass of bourbon surrounded by other hot bro gents.

Have you ever stopped to speak to a homeless person and ask about his story? I don’t mean throw a quarter without even making eye contact; I mean genuinely treating him like a person.

Have you sat down and had lunch with that awkward, quiet guy at your office whom everyone usually avoids? Have you flirted with the 60-year-old woman and reminded her of her beauty?

No, I don’t talk to homeless people and I wear mirrored shades so I don’t have to look them in the eye. I’m sure the heroin addict on the corner near the bachelor pad has a super compelling story, because he’s been an Iraq Vet, father to newborn twin girls and has had a wife with cancer, all in the same week. I’m too smart to play that game.

Yeah, I’ve had lunch with the awkward guy but that was in the interest of self preservation in case he ever snaps. You can also bet on me flirting up the 60 year old woman. That’s just a fact of life when you’re OMB.

You don’t have to cure cancer to make a difference in the world; it’s as simple as reminding people of their own importance. Being charming is as simple as making everyone feel important in your presence.

Gentlemen, put away the games and childish things; strive for something more. Run that marathon; climb that mountain; build something, and be great. You won’t be remembered for sitting on your couch watching “Friends.”

That’s funny, because Patrick definitely sits on his couch and watches “Friends” on weekend nights.