Hiring Jim Harbaugh: A Sunday Scaries Timeline

By Sunday Scaries

Am I a full-blown Michigan fan? No. I'm a fair-weather college football plans who cheers for scandals and overs. But, if someone asked me, year in and year out, who I want to win the Natty Championship? I'm picking Michigan every time. I didn't go to Michigan, but all my awesome friends did, so I've spent my fair share at the games/tailgates.

When the bumbling Hoke was fired, Michigan fans started SWIRLING with rumors of Jim Harbaugh to Michigan. While many thought these were unfounded and he'd stay in the NFL ("He's an NFL guy! Oakland! Book it!"), the Sunday Scaries squad dug deep to get to the bottom of this hiring. And honestly, it wasn't even that hard.

"Yeah, but Sunday Scaries, who are your fuckin' sources? You can't just make these things up with and hope they come true."

"But bro, Douchebag Pete isn't some type of pro sports insider. Why would we believe him?"

Well, remember the time Dustin Johnson got suspended from the PGA due to his cocaine habits? Douchebag Pete reported it at least a year in advance that this would happen. Remember the now infamous Rory McIlroy banging-a-girl-on-a-glass-table story which caused his divorce and forced him into longsleeves for a stretch of tournaments? Our friend reported that and Douchebag Pete confirmed it through weeks of investigations.

Oh, and remember the time ya boy Sunday Scaries leaked the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue?

Privileged white dudes know other privileged white dudes. It's the long arm of the privileged white dude law. But, because Sunday Scaries doesn't have a blue check mark next to it's Twitter name, I had to keep reminding people of the news that we confirmed.

Shortly thereafter, a new source (Fockerman) chimed in. Fockerman is a Michigan-hater and a Michigan State-lover with sources on sources on sources.

And then we flash forward a week.

Fockerman, who originally reported Greg Schiano, has been against the ropes the entire time Douchebag Pete has just been delivering absolute haymakers on the Harbaugh front.

They decided on a measly $48, mimicking the reported $48 million deal (which Fockerman believed to be $49 million).

And then, on December 18th (a full week before Christmas, an important day for this saga), there was this:

This is a hard confirmation from myself, Sunday Scaries, based on the knowledge I've gained throughout this process, which does, in fact, include the McConaughey voice over video.

Then, on Christmas Day after a million beers and bottles of wine, our phones light up with sources. It all comes together.

And because people forget and don't believe Sunday Scaries is a legitimate source for news:

And then, a full four-motherfucking-days after Sunday Scaries confirmed a Tuesday press conference for Michigan to announce Harbaugh as their new head coach, Adam Schefter slides in and attempts to steal the thunder.

Pretty impressive, huh?