Douchebag Pete's Christmas List

Editor's Note: I was just going to update the Sunday Scaries Staff Christmas Lists post, but I think we can all agree that Douchebag Pete needs a soapbox and he needed it yesterday. It's only appropriate to gift him his own personal post.


I'll keep it simple and ask for a scarf or two from J. Crew. DBP has got to get into the scarf game. No way around it. I'm not talking about looking like a dickhead and walking around indoors with a scarf on. Just something nice to wear outside with my sexy-ass Barbour jacket. 

The New Kid Rock Album

I know what you're saying right now. "Hey DBP, that shit ain't out yet". I realize that, but the best things in life are worth waiting for. Just give me a Christmas card that says, "Dear DBP, Kid Rock's new album and possibly best fucking album ever, First Kiss, has been pre-ordered. Love, mom." 

Massage Package

Possibly the best gift idea I've ever come up with. It's going to take some research and serious Yelp review time, but DBP NEEDS it. Just find me a bougey massage spot in Chicago and book me like 5 or 6 appointments. I'm talking deep tissue, Swedish style massages. I want it to hurt a little bit because the pain means it's working. Butttt also wouldn't hate a shady spot in Chinatown... 'cause ya know.

Custom Scotty Cameron

Preferably a trip to the Scotty Cameron headquarters where Scotty himself measures me up for a new flat stick. Once all of my specs are settled I'll probably go classic and clean. Something like this . I'll tell you what, that is the definition of putter porn.


Sunday Scaries and OMB know what I'm talking about: I need to get on board with the Tom Hardy look. I've been doubling up on the trap exercises in anticipation of this gift. Just getting after the weights and then walking around the gym asking people if they've seen my neck because DBP seems to have lost it. A nice set of traps look great in a cardigan. Tom Hardy taught me that.

Tickets to The Masters

Not sure how my parents will do it, but they need to FIGURE IT OUT. This is on my bucket list and I'm ready to cross it off. Just two tickets for SS and I, one practice round and one weekend round. The ultimate weekend of living it up on the grounds of Augusta and then a couple of tee times with SS on some beautiful Georgia courses.

Fresh Pair of Shades

Recently lost a gorgeous pair of sunglasses, which means I'm in the market for a fresh pair. I'm thinking I need to be rocking some Steve McQueen Persols. He was the king of cool and I see a lot myself in him. More importantly, a nice pair of shades tells the ladies that you are responsible enough to have nice things. What they don't need to know is that they're my third pair of shades this year and I actually can't take care of nice things.