How Wikipedia defines Independence Day: a federal holiday in the United States of America commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from Great Britain.
How I define Independence Day: a day to pay tribute to your country by getting completely blasted with your bros, crushing parades, and putting the screws to hot chicks.
If you're anything like me and my friends, Independence Day is a time to turn your hometown into a Hot Bro Haven where you just feed off each other until Sunday hits and your life crumbles before your eyes. Well, this year wasn't any different for us. Neck and neck, we fought like the thoroughbreds we are to make our case to become the MVP of the weekend. Now it's time for you to decide who actually was.
Hot Bro 1 got kicked out of the bar by his own father for being, "the drunkest person there." His dad doesn't work for the bar nor does he have any affiliation with it. He simply just kicked him out. After being put in a car to go home, Hot Bro 1 passed out on the 2 minute drive and his girlfriend had to drag him into the house. He also chipped his tooth a few days before because he fell on a dancefloor. Oh, and did I mention that he passed out in the middle of his lawn during his mom's annual 4th of July BBQ?
At 2:30 am on the morning of the 4th of July, Hot Bro 2 made out with a college friend of his. As they made out in front of the bar, the girl's dad pulled into the parking to pick her up and he put her in the car to go home. There is talk that Hot Bro 2 opened the car door for her and shook the dad's hand, but this is unconfirmed. For contest purposes, I'm going to take the "where there's smoke, there's fire" mentality and accept this as being complete truth. He also took down the most cash in the pre-4th of July golf round.
On the night of Independence Day, Hot Bro 3 went to the local watering hole, did 2-3 Mind Erasers, passed out in the booth, woke up, went back to the party, made out with a 40 year old and left his wallet back at her place. When he picked up his wallet the next day, was the said 40 year old's business card in it? Child, please. OF COURSE IT WAS.
Hot Bro 4 did blow in Vegas all weekend with Floyd Mayweather and Justin Bieber. Oh, no, wait, that was just Johnny Football.
The morning flip cup is where Hot Bro 5 got his day started by doing the first flip for one team and anchoring for the other. At 12:30am on July 5th, his phone buzzed with a "Hey! Are you in town?" We all know what that late night text means, so did he take her down to his boat and show her the 50 states? You betcha. While hungover on the 5th, he was the golden child of Instagram where any photo of him legitimately averaged 100 likes.
So now to the important question —